Now, here's the jist of my existential crisis:
Having grown up in a Christian home/environment I'm predisposed to favouring the Christian philosophy, however, may I quickly object, this does not rule out my sane judgement (which enables me to possess the wisdom that everyone else should adopt, you see... ;) with which I have deemed Christianity, according to the canonised Bible of 300-some A.D. and faith-wise independent of modern churchy trends, to be a very, very healthy way of life on all planes of life: physically (bite me), mentally, spiritually, politically, economically, environmentally and so on and so forth. But! Is it true? (Don't talk to me about evolution as being vs. creation thereby nullifying anything and everything you won't tolerate.)
On the matter of truth, a Beautifully Satisfying Absolute, things start to haze up. Here many object only to lecture on relativism post-fall-of-the-absolutes but however appealing this no-strings, no-commitments, I'm-the-boss-of-me -escape may sound, it is often grounded in just that: escapism.
But then what? Post-modern relativism certainly does not ring true but that's excactly the beauty of it, isn't it?! It's not supposed to be true? But then consider the detrimental effects relativism would have on society, were it not for the underlying values of shame and guilt as dictated in the Bible: amorality encompassing enough to bring about the fall of the Western Empire (giving way to China or India, perhaps? Maybe Africa or South America may even take advantage of that!)
So, Christianity or no-truth-ergo-I'm-my-own(-escapist)?
I want to choose Christianity (/life.) I really do, but I find it hypocritical in a way to just believe! I don't want to 'just believe!' I want to know, I want to be able to hold my chin high in regards to my way of life, my belief, my faith.. Argh, all these 'wobbly' words - never firm enough to get a hold on!
I think the bottomline is that I don't feel like I can be satisfied just switching off my intellect and 'believing,' but is the alternative just to keep searching for an answer I'll never find and then hope hope hope that something nice will happen to some immortal conscience of mine when my body ceases to function? [sigh]
Which is the less miserable Way?
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4 comments:
Okay okay okay, I'll admit to it then!
Thinking back, God has proven himself to me innummerable times (of course they can be counted, but listen!) so I probably do know He's there, if I'll admit it to myself.
Thing is, I'm traumatised by the so-called body of christ. Who do we think we are?! The hypocrisy! Goodness me!! I do want to love God, but the burden was supposed to be light - and blame, shame, rumours and pain is all else than light, mind you.
I have to be independent then. Independent of a church. Oh yes, I can hear the objections, "Son, you'll never be able to stand on your own! You neeeeed the fellowship or the Devil will get you!" The Devil may bite my ass but I'll consider it a kiss, thank you. Back to the issue at hand is that one needs to have a love for God that one can rely on, cos without it, what've you got? TRADITIONS, SODDEN COMFORTS AND ESCAPISTIC EXCUSES, THAT'S WHAT! [sorry for yelling] But the three abovementioned will not, I repeat: not sustain you through the storms. And please stop being so intent about the dangers of this world, 'cos if you're a Child of the King and you love him (faithfulness), He'll take care of it - dun u worry!
...but where's the line between having to learn from the consequences of your actions and forgiveness? [sigh] I'll ponder that.
Amen, I wanna say, but then that's just another word learned in church...
HA, that could have been me speaking, except you are better at expressing yourself with extraordinary words...I wanna comment on all your latest blogs cause I relate, SO MUCH!! Somehow it sad, but then on the other hand what went wrong, that's what I wanna know!!
I can't go to church anymore, haven't been since I returned to Denmark, pretty much because of what you have written, so i am not gonna write that all!
Church... I DON'T miss the this-is-how-you-should-live-your-life-preaching or the I-love-you-Jesus-so-much-I-will-never-leave-you-worship...I am hurt, I am handicapped, now I am trying to learn how to live my life in a decent way out in THE WORLD
(uuuh)... It's weird cause somehow I do believe in God and in the church, but I have been so involved, a part and entangled in it, that I need to distance myself...I really don't want to leave church with a bad concious, which I have pretty much done my whole life, talking about traumatised... I rather be unhappy without a bad conciuos...But it's so hard too, cause it's been my life my whole life, being in church, I've done everything in church, all my active free time... I am trying to learn from the people around me, but I don't like their lifestyle either, so how do I find a balance?
So what is right and true, hell I don't know yet either, but it's somehow comforting not to be the only one and then it's alarming that there are many our age from-child-church-goers that are going through the same trauma... ok if you can understand this comment good, i just read it through it's maybe a bit confusing to read...
I would have to admit that I myself, having grown up similarly, am going through the same so-called trauma. Ach. I don't know quite what to say at the moment, so I guess I am just currently sympathizing. The current hurt of the current world seems to be relvolving. Sorry, sometimes I have trouble expressing myself so I do apologize for the lack of clarity :/
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